I'm going to jail i love you
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
