Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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