THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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