I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
operation have a gay friend backfired
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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