exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
