Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I smell like Dick and happiness
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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