Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
