and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
