True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
