So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
