i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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