Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
