new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
