everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Randomize
