I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
