yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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