is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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