If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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