Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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