So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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