Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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