remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
