im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
