how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
