I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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