OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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