The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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