just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
