i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Use "feeling words"
Yay
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
