We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
