Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
