you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
