there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
