he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Randomize
