He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
