OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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