I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
