So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
