i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
