Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Randomize
