think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
