I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
this will be a night to untag.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
