And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
