doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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