We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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