I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
