....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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