Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
