last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
