Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
