i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
