well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
