Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
