I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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