I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
