I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
