That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
