I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Yo dont text me then not text me
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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